Trying to cope

Some of you may know that for the last week of October I went away on holiday. We gave a family member the number to our key safe so that she could feed our chickens while away. Unfortunately that trust was taken advantage of. This person brought five friends into our home where they drunk alcohol we had in the house, ransacked our house, took drugs and stole from us. The event has left me deeply shaken up and has caused a rift in our family.

A month after what has happened I still struggle on a daily basis to cope with what has gone on. My room was my safe haven. When things got too much for me I would take a step back and go in there. Escaping from the world around me. But now I can barely go in there and only last week was I able to sleep in my own bed with the aid of sleeping tablets.

Today I went to the doctors to see what they could do for my sleep it was during this time she said she wanted to ask me a few questions. At the end of the survey she told me that it was for PTSD. Out of 20 if you scored between 6-10 it was likely you’d have PTSD. Anything higher than 10 meant you defiantly had PTSD. I scored 18. I am still struggling to cope with the trauma and now worry about what life ahead will be like with PTSD.

Reaching my target

In my college they have a rule, a land mark assessment every 4 weeks. I really find these useful as they help me get used to writing in an exam style, the timing and let me see how well I’m doing. Today I got back two of my subjects and I was gobsmacked to see I’d already reached my target for the end of the year.

I couldn’t believe it and for once I had hope, I could actually pass this, No I could actually do amazing at this. I’ve always had low confidence with this as it’s a resit and my GCSE’s weren’t great because it was when I first got diagnosed with depression and went through hell with a school who where working against me.

Now I’m working for my next landmark assessments this week (one I had today and one tomorrow). I’m aiming to do better in my previous ones even if only by one mark.

Half Term Homework

I honestly can’t remember this feeling. Finishing for a week off and not one piece of homework! Normally when we finish I’m hammered down with homework. But today I finished for a week and have no homework.

I understand homework stops us from forgetting everything when were off for a week. But we need that week. The whole point of a half term is to be able to have a breather and get refreshed for the next few weeks, yet we can’t do it if we are spending half are time doing homework. (Literally we spend half our time doing homework).

In psychology are teacher didn’t mention one thing about home work when we finished our land mark assessment on Tuesday. So no one was going to tell her that she had forgot to set us any.

In history our tutor told us that he felt we had worked hard and adapted well to the transition to college so he thought we deserve the break. To which we all were extremely grateful to.

Then finally in sociology we were told that we had to finish the research projects that were given to us at the beginning of October. However I’ve already finished mine and handed it in today so I officially have no homework!!!!

I am honestly so excited and I’m looking forward to half term for the first time in years.

What do I pack?

Today I’ve started packing for my holiday, but it’s becoming the most stressful thing ever. Because of two reasons.

It’s the end of October. Normally by the middle of September most of my summer clothes (we have to keep a few summer clothes down as the British weather does like to go crazy but even then when don’t keep much down) are stored up in the loft out of the way to make way for winter clothes. So I’m now having to crawl through the dusty loft, pick clothes I like, wash them, let them dry overnight (because we have to hang them by the heaters to dry so you can’t dry as many at once), iron them and then pack them. It’s such a long process. Longer than summer, when we can try clothes on the line outside and when we don’t have to crawl through the loft to find that top we wanted. So to say this is stressing me out is an understatement.

It’s the end of October. Most of the time we go away in Summer. So I have no idea what the weather is going to be like in Spain now. My mum says I’ll need plenty of cardies as it will be chilly but I was looking at pictures of when we went away to Spain for New Year. In the pictures we are at the beech paddling, even my mom, dad, uncle and auntie are to who went with us. So now that has me confused, is my mum being over dramatic or has climate change really changed Spanish weather that much.

As I’m sure you can now tell I feel like ripping my hair out about now I’m that stressed, I tell you what this holiday better be worth it.

The suitcase with the broken wheel

In our house we have about six, suitcases all various sizes, colours and shapes. When it comes to packing there’s always a scramble on who gets what case. My sister normally, goes for the pink one, my mum the navy and my dad the black one. But me I always go for the one with the wonky wheel. My parents can’t see why as we have got two other perfectly fine ones I could use. I always tell them every time that it’s because I don’t like change, but really it isn’t.
You see this suitcase is half the weight of the other five. I know it’s not a massive distance but for a girl that can mean a few more dresses or pair of shoes. So I’m so happy that today when we got the suitcases down for my holiday next week no one knew the really reason why I was so insistant on using the suitcase with the broken wheel.

Hurricane Tail End

As I’m sure many of you know hurricane Gonzalo’s has been going through America. Now the rememenants of it have hit the UK. I am basal outlying dreading it as I was waiting at the train station for 20 minutes there was: gale force winds, sunny weather, thunder and lightning and finally hail stone. This is only the end of October normally it is not this bad. The train was also over ten minutes late because it had to stopped because of high winds.

I’m genuinely worried that the weather is going to get bad and the trains will be cancelled, if so that’s me stuck in town till someone can collect me. I also hope it doesn’t thunder and lightening again because thunder scares me. With my AS loud noises scare me and I no that if I hear thunder today I could go into a breakdown. I pray I don’t go into a break down in college or on my way home because I don’t have anyone to help me.

Happy Birthday Daddy

This year I’m making sure I have all the ingredients ready. Good brand of bacon and sausages, nice coffee not the cheap stuff, free range eggs from our chickens collected while their still warm, a funny card off my sister and a sentimental one off me and finally a few presents.
This year I’m so determined to make sure my dad has a really good birthday because we had a big celebration for my sister and where doing something big for my mums. I know they both had big landmark birthdays this year. I still can’t believe my baby sisters 16, I feel so old. Hang on I can’t believe I’m 19, yikes I’m getting old. Anyway back on track. So because of my sisters and my mums landmark birthdays where not doing much for mine and my dads. So this year I’m making sure all the little things are perfect so he feels special.
Because my dad is my amazing and I love him so much so I want him to know how we feel about it.
We also made him a birthday cake which may I say looks pretty good for two amateurs. I’m very impressed at my little Everton badge.