Trying to cope

Some of you may know that for the last week of October I went away on holiday. We gave a family member the number to our key safe so that she could feed our chickens while away. Unfortunately that trust was taken advantage of. This person brought five friends into our home where they drunk alcohol we had in the house, ransacked our house, took drugs and stole from us. The event has left me deeply shaken up and has caused a rift in our family.

A month after what has happened I still struggle on a daily basis to cope with what has gone on. My room was my safe haven. When things got too much for me I would take a step back and go in there. Escaping from the world around me. But now I can barely go in there and only last week was I able to sleep in my own bed with the aid of sleeping tablets.

Today I went to the doctors to see what they could do for my sleep it was during this time she said she wanted to ask me a few questions. At the end of the survey she told me that it was for PTSD. Out of 20 if you scored between 6-10 it was likely you’d have PTSD. Anything higher than 10 meant you defiantly had PTSD. I scored 18. I am still struggling to cope with the trauma and now worry about what life ahead will be like with PTSD.

Who Can I Trust?

So I have a hard time talking to people about my problems in hope of finding a solution and I’m also very reluctant to open up to people. Because of this there have only been two people who I’ve trusted to discuss my problems with. One was a doctor I had in CAMHS (a mental health service for children and teens). Although I’ve seen four different specialists there I’ve only felt I could really open up to one. He was the one who always went above and beyond for me and always listened to my concerns. The other three all literally tried to get me off their books as soon as possible (even my parents thought it too). Now that doctor has moved away and I’m no longer treated by CAMHS (or anyone). The other person was my mum. I know it sounds mean but I’m not able to talk to my dad for a few reasons. First of all were like minded, so we can never come up with other solutions. He is also a bloke so he doesn’t understand the relationships between girls. Another reason is he get’s stressed out very easily, then I get stressed out with him till we have an argument.

But the other day I had an incident with some girls in school and because I was having a low day I was easily upset. So I rang my mum and spoke to her for awhile. She then thought that since I had no more lessons it was best for me to come home early. But now my mum has got some big campaign and wants meetings with my year head. I’ve had various meetings with many different people in the school including the head teacher. But none of it’s worked. I’ve told my mum I don’t want to go but she says if I do then I must be making it up. So now I’m stuck between a rock and hard place.

All this has made me feel like the only person I could talk to, my mum, is gone. Because if talk to her that it doesn’t matter what I want she’s going to make do what she thinks is best.